no, my endorsement will not save you from burning for an eternity

it is rare that i weigh in on issues other than the masons, the homosexuals, and lesbian avengers club #34 which meets in waynesboro on thursdays. however, it is time for me to bring to your attention some candidates who are running against george allen, who proudly enjoys shoving it down whiny homosexuals' throats.

one is named james webb. i do not know much about him, but my mexican housekeeper told me he is both a vegan and a former college professor who taught liberal swine 101. i had her immediately deported upon hearing this news. her orphaned children will be sold at an auction and the proceeds will go towards an anti-homosexual wall around san francisco.

the other one is harris miller, who reads the whole bible and doesn't leave out the parts that condemn homosexuality, metrosexuality, the highly sexualized use of waffle irons, and the spanish language. i would like to endorse harris miller on account of this fact and i will send a formal endorsement later this month when i have time, or perhaps at the end of this month. mr miller will probably burn in hell and i will probably run over his campaign signs repeatedly with my truck later this year, but i must at least give him his momentary due as a man who smells the foul stench of the homosexual uprising. he has agreed to use his platform as an office seeker to promote this year's constitutional amendment that keeps marriage between one man, one woman, and their priest (if he wants).

do not be deceived. this endorsement does not mean i am flinching from my unwavering support of george allen, who supports a guest worker program that would allow illegal immigrants to apply for jobs as spare tires. and i still support sam brownback for president, who is the only candidate who can summon both earth, fire, wind, water, and heart.

when this race is over, i am confident that mr webb and mr miller will be shipped back to siberia on the train that they road in on.